Day 117 and 118

"Walking down a misty road into the unknown
Heavy winds may blow into our faces
You can't kill the dream in killing the dreamer
Can't tear it down
Someone carry on

Dreamers come and go
But a dream's forever
Freedom for all minds
Let us go together
Neverending ways
Got to roam forever
Always carry on"

---Avantasia, "Into the Unknown"

For the past 22 years, I have known what comes next.  When I was 5, I knew I would be going to kindergarten; when I was 12, I knew middle school awaited me; when I was 14, high school was calling my name and when I was 18, college was where I was headed.  Now, I am 22 and I have NO idea what the world holds for me.  I have been thinking a lot about the future.  I mean that's what you do when you are a college graduate, right?  In two short months I will be done with my internship and out in the real world.  But where do I go from here?

I have been going back and forth with my options from here.  Do I search for a full time job somewhere?  Do I go home?  Do I search for a job in CA or try to search closer to my family and friends?  Do I do something crazy like work on a cruise ship?  I have NO clue where I want to go.  It is scary that I only have two months to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life.  Whether I realize it or not, I am shaping the rest of forever right now.  Every move that I make is a step towards where I will end up some day down the road.  Scary.  I know I will make the right decision for me when it comes down to it but sometimes I wish I had someone to tell me what I need to do.  Until now, it has been pretty much law that I go to school.  I wasn't forced to go to college but I always knew that I would go to college and earn my degree.

I don't know where I am going to be in two months...but when I know, I promise I will let you all know.  I feel like I am looking into a black hole...

and I hope that black hole becomes clear soon.