Day 136

"You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded
You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?"

---Taylor Swift, "Mean"

**WARNING: possible foul language lol**

I cannot stand fake people.  I am watching The Bachelorette right now...and if you watched it you know exactly what I am talking about.  It is the third week of the show and since the beginning one guy has been saying he didn't want to be there and he felt no connection with Ashley.  He, however, is extremely competitive and decided to stay on the show and lead her on.  He became probably the closest guy to her and then one day he just decides to leave. WHAT AN ASS!!! Not only that...but he LIES to her about why he is leaving...he uses his daughter as an excuse because he can't stand up and just say that he is an ass!  She has got to be watching these episodes back trying to figure out how she could fall for him.  The comments that he makes in the voice over are HORRIBLE! "it's annoying to just hold a girl that's crying...and crying...and crying" WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! You are the reason she is crying AND you told her nothing but lies from the beginning!!!!!  I feel so sorry for her and it makes me think...there are girls (and guys...its not just girls that can be manipulated) out there who are living this every day.  They are totally in love with a guy who just pretends to love them back.  It really makes you wonder how you know when a relationship is true.  If there are people out there who can lie and manipulate everything and everyone...how do you really know?

I will admit...I was manipulated in a relationship in the past.  IT SUCKED!  I wish I could have stepped back and seen everything from another point of view.  Then maybe I would not have made the same mistakes.  I wouldn't have been hurt so badly at the end.  I would have been able to move on sooner.  But I didn't see it...and so many people don't.  You really have to open up and lay all your cards on the table...and even then, the person can be untrue.  But it is the only way to know for sure.  It took me a long time to get over how hurt I was.  I finally did and I am so much better off where I am now.  I have a fabulous boyfriend who treats me right and loves me for me.  I can be myself around him and feel I can trust him with my heart.  The long distance thing SUCKS but I know that once we make it through been 3 time zones and 2000 miles apart for 6 months that it can only get better from here.

There are still some good ones in the world...you just have to find them <3